un·at·trac·tive

Unattractive meaning not pleasing to look at. Ugly, unappealing, unsightly, having no inviting features. This is me, I am not attractive. I have been told over and over. I have a large nose, I have an overbite that makes me look like a shark and I have acne. When I look straight I have a lazy eye, I’ve been compared to sharks and sloths. My smile is awful, I cringe when I see pictures of it because it’s just that bad. I’ve been bullied, not as bad as others of course, some people in my family even commented on my ugliness. Now, there are some people who have called me beautiful. What does it mean to be beautiful? Pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically. So it could be a conflict. Am I nice to look at? Or would you rather not lay your precious eyes on something like me? In my life, with the people I deal with I would have to say it’s 50% against my attractiveness and 50% for it. Guess who wins in my head? I think it’s obvious. I’m not pretty, and I’m sorry I’m not I look everyday for some way to become good looking. I honestly care very much about how I look, it’s something I think about probably more than anything else. Every time I see someone who is gorgeous I feel the need to cry and most times I do. Call me shallow or whatever you want, this is how I feel. This is how I’ve been taught to feel and it won’t go away. My fiance could sit here and call me pretty, beautiful or gorgeous (which he does) over and over and over and I promise every time I hear it, it kills me inside. I can’t bring myself to believe it. Why do I care so much? Why does it rule over me? I don’t know, maybe because I’m constantly looking at images of what society defines as beautiful and I realize that I am nothing like it.

<3 <3
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